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Guest Column: The lost art of dating

By Nancy Simpson/Herald guest columnist

With the holiday of love and affection looming around the corner, I have been contemplating the tragic loss of dating. As I take note of the culture in our community, the delicate art of dating has vanished from our society. It seems singles everywhere are revolting.

The story starts somewhere in high school where a boy can’t even look at a girl before the gossip starts.

Let’s include prom, which has turned into a mini marriage ceremony where the simple request of attendance requires a small fortune followed by certain expectations that makes every father of a teenage daughter cringe.

Dating for teens has become complicated. It’s no wonder that our boys turn into men who shy away from major commitments. Simple dates such as a short visit to Starbucks or a walk down the street in order to invite the sparkle of conversation are dying.

And what about women? Our tendency is to overanalyze every touch, smile, reference to their mother, place of date, cost of date, etc. Women expect to be instantly swept off their feet, and if we are not our mind wanders to what could have been or what should have been instead of what is. The tragedy of Romeo and Juliet pales in comparison to what a woman can do to a well intentioned male who has to compete with preconceived notions of love.

I wonder what kind of mess we are creating when our teens rely on texting to ignite infatuation instead of searching for chemistry with face-to-face contact.

Our boys have lost the urge to show interest in one girl at a time by trying an old fashioned date. Instead, they tend to hang out in big groups.

I can see that this provides safety in social contact which is entirely appropriate at the age of 15 but by age 25 this type of behavior should be replaced with confidence and a general gentlemen-like behavior toward women.

I wish I could make our young girls understand that being the first to ask a male out isn’t modern or forward thinking. It is creating an army of freeloaders who are content to watch women work at a relationship the men don’t care about.

I guess I’m old fashioned when it comes to certain elements of classic courtship. Of course there are some success stories of love being ignited through various forms of technology but I have yet to feel inspired by them. I cringe when I think about declarations of love floating in from cyber space on a hotmail account. It seems too public for me.

True affection is fostered in quiet unexpected ways that occur when spending time together. Love can be simple. I believe one five-minute conversation is more productive than a month of e-mails or status updates on Facebook.

This Valentine’s Day, throw out technology and the expectation of a large price tag. Seek for simplicity and sincerity. After that, love is only a step away.

Nancy Simpson can be contacted at nsimpson145@hotmail.com.