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closeEditor's column:My family’s history of Christmas disasters
By Heather Meier/of The Herald
My mother doesn’t want a Wii.
This would be just fine if it weren’t for the fact that my dad bought her one for Christmas.
Luckily, I’ve learned this important little detail with enough time to notify my dad so he can get something more to her liking. If only I had been there to thwart all other Christmas present disasters.
But for every successful Christmas, there were at least two that had poor results.
For their first Christmas together, while they were still dating, my dad decided to buy my mother some clothing. Most men wouldn’t even attempt to buy clothing for a woman and know it’s a no-win situation. Not my dad. He had an entire outfit picked out when he ran into a woman from his apartment complex. She thought the outfit would be a wonderful addition to his grandmother’s closet.
It’s debatable if Option B — matching sweaters — was any better.
A few years into their marriage, he bought my mother a cookbook. That it came from the thrift store isn’t what bothered her. It was inscribed to someone else.
That year ranks pretty closely to the year he bought her a skillet because fried eggs kept getting stuck to the old one.
She thought things were on an up-swing the year she discovered dozens of tiny wrapped boxes under the tree one year. She was delighted to find each box held a unique china Christmas ornament. My dad was so pleased to see her excited about the gifts. That meant his sister was sure to like the exact same ones he sent to her, too.
The one that makes all of cringe, though, was the year of the polyester suit. My dad couldn’t understand my mother’s tears when she opened the boxes and found an eggplant purple polyester pants and matching shirt, complete with a bow at the neck. So she put it on. He agreed with her assessment right away but she insisted on wearing it all day as family arrived, making sure everyone knew it was a Christmas gift from him.
Of course, they aren’t unique.
Last year, I told my husband exactly what I wanted. There weren’t any subtle hints; I printed out what I wanted and provided him with the phone number. What I found under the Christmas tree was the ugliest pair of earrings I have ever seen. My husband said he didn’t get what I had been hoping for because wanted me to be surprised. Mission accomplished.
And my mother-in-law particularly liked the gold necklace the first time my father-in-law gave it to her. By the second time he gave her the exact same necklace, the thrill had somewhat worn off.
My mother won’t be getting a Wii this year but I make no promises about what next year brings.