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Thinking my random thoughts

By Laura Keolanui Stark/for The Herald

They usually pop up at strange moments, random thoughts and observations. Here are some of mine — some clumped together, some totally random.

You know it’s going to be a bad day when you put your sports bra on backward. You won’t know that you were getting good at yoga until you quit and then try to start up again. I have a feeling that the number of hours I’ve spent exercising has exceeded the number of hours it’s extended my life expectancy.

Whenever my husband goes on a business trip, he’s gone on garbage day — and it’s recycling week. Huge windstorms always hit on garbage day.

I’ve lived here for 19 years now, and every year people tell me we’re having very unusual weather. Wonder when it will settle down to normal. When I moved here, I started mailing envelopes facedown so that the address wouldn’t get blurred by raindrops. I no longer hurry to get out of the rain. The coldest place on South Hill is at the Costco gas pumps.

If I buy a berry sundae at Costco and try to eat it while driving home, the traffic lights will be green the entire way. At a restaurant, the slowest eater will be the one whose food is delayed.

Whenever I make a mistake cutting out a quilt, it’s never that I’ve cut a piece too big, it’s always short. There’s a popular saying that “there are no quilt police.” That’s a lie. The quilt police want to know how many quilts you’ve made and how long it took you. And they let you know that a wall hanging doesn’t count, a true quilt has to be at least queen-sized. Quilt police are never quilters.

Cars break and children get sick on Friday nights of three-day weekends. Dogs, cats and kids never throw up on the bare floor. They always choose the carpet.

If you want to see the ugly side of a potential mate, try navigating through a strange city together and make sure you play Monopoly with him or her.

In my house, magazines, books, laundry and rubber bands reproduce rapidly overnight but if you put a dollar bill near them to see if that will multiply, it just disappears.

At the crucial moment in a movie or a phone call, the dogs will start barking wildly as if an axe murderer is breaking the door down.

If a Christmas tree can easily ignite from electrical lights, why do I have so much trouble getting kindling and logs to catch on fire in the woodstove?

Whenever I slip and fall, I’m never alone, there’s always an audience. It’s probably payback because I always think it’s hilarious when someone else falls.

It’s easy to be obnoxious when you’re anonymous.

And finally, of course it was in the last place you looked. Who keeps on looking for something once they find it?

Laura Keolanui Stark is a freelance writer thinking deep thoughts. She can be reached at lkstark@yahoo.com.